Soul: Sharifah Nurulhuda
First Cry: 240685
Schools: South View Pri Dunearn Sec Singapore Poly RMIT Uni
Hangouts: Esplanade Central
Kak Nor Siti Azziana Abdillah Benjamin Faeiz Hisham Haddad Khairul Anwar Liyana Najib Zafirah Yasmin
[[ The Archives ]]
February 2006
March 2006
April 2006
May 2006
June 2006
July 2006
August 2006
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
March 2007
May 2007
June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
January 2008
February 2008
April 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
March 2010
May 2010
June 2010
Web Colour Chart - For The Colours
DeviantArt - image
Life is full of Ups and Downs...its your choice whether you want it be on the bright side or the other
Hey Peepz!!!!
Been watching this Japanese series show - Nobota Wo Produce - Makeover of a wild pig.. - A MUZ WATCH!!!!
Niwayz...this show is bout friendship - a muz watch...
So yeah...since I watch this show...it makes me think. No matter how many friends you have, having as little as 1 friend...juz one friend is enough. You do not need 100 friends or 1000000 friends for that matter. All you need is a friend.
A friend to whom you can go to. A friend to whom you can share all your sorrows with, all your happiness with, all your critiques and the what not. If there is no friend in your life, you will be lonely.
I have decided. During my holiday in KL, I have decided. I juz realised sumthing. If I can't live with the banker having so many girls around him, I might as well treat him as my best buddy. Cuz I will never, NEVER survive the love if I have competition. I tend to give up easily especially in love. Niwayz, he said hez not ready to be commited. A friend told me that guyz who said this , dun take it literally. Cuz it simply means he wun go far with you. Juz friends. No matter how much hope he gave you, dun believe it. Cuz once the word of "not ready" cums about, he already make his point. Its like the softer way of saying " You are not the one for me". You know, that sounds hurtful, aint it?
So yeah, deciding him to be my best buddy is not as easy it may be cuz itz hard. Ive fall hard already. How I wish I can stop this feeling from growing. He knew but he juz laugh it out. I cant do anything also other than let him be. How I wish I have known it earlier.....niwayz...the intention was to be friends.
Here I am going to tell the history of our friendship - (cant reveal his name yet cuz hez IT savvy)
1 - Car couldnt start at one of the mosque's event in 2007,met him and his friends thru one of the sisters. Was emo - cuz first time car couldnt start. Was being introduced one by one at Al-Azhar. His friends and him. He was trying his best to cheer me up. Look at him. Notice he looks exactly like my Architect, Steve. Feelings already evolving to get to know him better. At the time, since feel so emo and the situation doesnt gel, din notice the feeling.
2 - A few months past by, CNY 2008, he did a treat to his buddy. Din go cuz got sumthing but heard, he was asking bout me(dunnoe if its true)
3 - A few months went by again, chat at MIRC in the hope of seeing him. Got his MIRC id and chatted with him till he gave his MSN. Due to this, I stopped chatting at MIRC. Den started our convo in MSN. Got his number in MSN.
4 - After that, started to sms each other frequently...calling me " sayang, sweet, dear" gives me the chill...told him i dun like it....but actually i do cuz i dunnoe...the feeling is juz nice.
5 - Sumthing happen to my friend who introduce me to him. She create this problem of getting into a relationship with a married man. And I was forced into it by him. Din want to get involved. Really hated him by doing this to me. Now, me and my friend are not in talking terms due to this problem of hers (still ongoing). First time talking to him though the timing wasnt exactly perfect -ended at 3am in the morning. from 2am i think.
6 - Den stop talking to him for a few months, den my friendship got into trouble. I was stucked in a love triangle between 3 friends of mine. Ask him for help by meeting up with him. -First contact with him. This first contact after a year went by.......was like an electricity surging......cuz after that contact.......I was like liking him more. Yeah, though it was a love triangle, I never wanted the guy to be mine cuz hez younger than me and a little to inmature. When this guy came by, and the way our first contact. Fuh! Things he did in our first contact :-
1- tie my blouse tie for me
2 - pay for my food
3 - palm reading
4 - telling me how pretty i actually was
5 - how i can be more pretty if i tried harder
the feeling juz surges
7 - sms again den ask for office email....den started to chat with him at work thru office email. Had lunch dates with him frequently
8 - Had a movie date with him and we confess our feelings
9 - Due to my stupidity, told my friends bout it and he tried to avoid me. (Think still is???) Den the lunch date became to once a week or once in a fortnight. From 2 times a week to once a fortnight was torture to me......he din noe obviously....I was missing him ald by now. He made me fall for him ald. By now, I know I had fallen into the Limerance / Love. I dunnoe. I have counted the days when I will be meeting him next. After numerous rejection, the hope of seeing him again became hopeless. I din hope anymore. If have, have. If dun have, den dun have. Frustrated, and told him off.
10 - Now, itz like hanging. I know I am still missing him cuz no email for the past 2 days, i.e. thursday n friday. Dreaming bout him practically everyday.
Best part : the dream was us being a couple. Each day was a story on its own. In reality, it was not even close to being a couple. Den I have to stop dreaming bout him, I had to force myself to tell myself, that if I were to continue on, I will suffer the most. Thus, the decision made was to be his best buddy. I dun want to be his girlfriend or his lover. Reason would be most probably be because of the following : -
1 - Tie him down from his friends cuz I cant live with the girls surrounding him
2 - need him to console my feeling every now and then which will be super tiring to him cuz my ex told me so
3 - need him to motivate me every now and then when I am down which again will be super tiring on him
All the above is the responsibility which I cant give him. I have disqualified myself. To be in love is not bout him sacrificing for you. Its about sharing. Both parties must come to a compromise. Both parties must be willing to share. Both parties must understand each other. Both parties must know what is needed of them.
If I were to harbour these thoughts, he would be at the losing end cuz he will be giving all the way. I cant give him anything cuz I myself lacks the love for myself. If I have found the love for myself, shall I find the one. Most of all, I want the one I love be my best friend forever. Cuz thatz what love is about in the end.
Best Friend.
Love is about sharing and being true to yourself.
Dun get me wrong if you say Im contradicting myself. He cant be the one for now...cuz his girl friends are juz too many for me to endure. N knowing that some of them might share the same feelings I had for him juz gave me the chills. I might as well give up now than let myself getting tortured more.
However, if by the turn of fate, he is the one for me, then I shall accept with an open heart. For now, I shall treat him as a best buddy with a pain in the heart which hopefully will go away soon.
|5:46 PM|