Soul: Sharifah Nurulhuda
First Cry: 240685
Schools: South View Pri Dunearn Sec Singapore Poly RMIT Uni
Hangouts: Esplanade Central
Kak Nor Siti Azziana Abdillah Benjamin Faeiz Hisham Haddad Khairul Anwar Liyana Najib Zafirah Yasmin
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Life is full of Ups and Downs...its your choice whether you want it be on the bright side or the other
Love....if I were to talk about this thing, promise me, nobody will flare up in the tagboard??? Can okiez.......This shall include my CPU...hahaz..My CPU always crashes on me whenever I talk about love.
Love......the song in malay that was the first page is dedicated to my Mr. B. Seriously, seriously...if first love is this hard, I guess I wont be able to fall in love anymore. I was drowned in the sea. How could I have created this big mistake? How could I fall for him so deep that its so, SUPER hard for me to move on? Not once but many a times so much so that almost evryone I knew scolded me.
Am I that weak? Am I that naive to believe love is everlasting???? I guess I am. Sometimes I wonder how people move on. Did they take a long time to get over their first love like I did?? Seriously, I am super naive or is it because I cant take hardships? Is it because this is the first time I ask for something that I can never get? Is is because he was never meant for me but I kept thinking he is? Sometimes.....I really am not too sure of myself.
Seriously, there was a point I did move on. I did after so long he din contact. I really did move on. I even told my friends that if he were to call me, i would move on and not go back to this depression road again. Unfortunately, it was not to be. It was just an empty dustbin making noise. When he called, at first, yeah...it seems like I did move on. But as the days gone by, there was something. I guess itz just me. Flashes of him keep coming in my dreams yet again and I kept missing him again. The heart skips a beat when he calls the 2nd and the next. Smiles were on my face as he calls. Yet again, I was falling into the trap yet again.
So then, I really dunnoe whats wrong with me. Then again, I should move on because I am doing injustice to both him and myself. I heard, nopez, He told me he was doing well in skewl and might or might not find someone new in his skewl. Should I feel jealous and over react to his actions??? I mean, itz been so long we broke up but why do I still feel the way I feel when we were together??? The feeling, for those who are in my shoes or have been in my shoes...will know and should know that this feeling is full of pain and disastrous to oneself.
I am trying so hard over here to move on as much as I can. I am depleted of energy to move on. Seriously, it is true. Each time, he returns, my energy is used up to make me move on. As that energy gets depleted, I feel so empty. I am just scared that this energy will make me avoid falling for anyone ever again.
I have started to feel insecure about myself. This is getting scary, aint it? At work, I am not bubbly. In fact, I seemed to be quiet almost all the time. The thing that can make me stay sane is of course, my volunteerism, my best friends at work(Fidah and Juli) and by praying to Allah S.W.T.
Haiz....seriously....I just hope I can just find the energy to move on and still believes that love could lasts for eternity if I find the right one. I just hope tomorrow is a better day. I have been dragging tomorrow to come as tomorrow seems to bring bad news rather than good news. I hope with a new lease of bedroom with Lavender aroma filling the room. I might just ease away of stress over this.
I wish I could go back in secondary school days where life seems ever so peaceful. Though I may not be the popular group, but at least I have fun. So does my poly days....I wish I could go back time and erase the part where he broke up with me for the first time.
In days to come, I hope my blog will be filled with happy news rather than bad news. So far, life has been more of a bad news and the best thing that has happen so far to me is getting a new bedroom. I hope more will come. I shall blog about it and put the past far behind me. I hope I wont go to that depression road if he does find someone new. I should move on with my life as much as I can though the energy thats inside of me is at it's minimum. All I know, I cant take anymore bad news coming my way. I will be in super great depression that I might go to IMH for medical purpose. Thats the reason why everywhere I go, I must have motivation posters to keep me going.
I repeat once more...please do not flare up on my tagboard. I just hope this would be my last time talking about love. (hope itz not an empty dustbin again) haiz.........
life is meaningless....I shall end this with the lyrics to the song Kenangan Terindah by Samsons
Aku yang lemah tanpamu
Aku yang rentan karena
Cinta yang tlah hilang darimu
Yang mampu menyanjungku
Selama mata terbuka
Sampai jantung tak berdetak
Selama itu pun
Aku mampu tuk mengenangmu
Darimu...
Kutemukan hidupku
Bagiku...
Kau lah cinta sejati
Ooh...
Bila yang tertulis untukku
Adalah yang terbaik untukmu
Kan kujadikan kau kenangan
Yang terindah dalam hidupku
Namun takkan mudah bagiku
Meninggalkan jejak hidupku
Yang tlah terukir abadi
Sebagai kenangan yang terindah
Ooh...
P.S. The bold words are the words that really touches my heart and really depicts my life.
|10:47 PM|