Soul: Sharifah Nurulhuda
First Cry: 240685
Schools: South View Pri Dunearn Sec Singapore Poly RMIT Uni
Hangouts: Esplanade Central
Kak Nor Siti Azziana Abdillah Benjamin Faeiz Hisham Haddad Khairul Anwar Liyana Najib Zafirah Yasmin
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Life is full of Ups and Downs...its your choice whether you want it be on the bright side or the other
What the heck!!!! Creating music is easy but writing it........OMG! Needs a lot of patience!!!!!!
DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wish have a lot of patience!!!!!!!!
|9:32 PM|
Ok.........
First thing first...........LIKE LIKE does not equates to LIKE LOVE.
Recently, I met this guy who totally fits in the bill..A total STRANGER! No relations to any of my friends. Why I said he fits in the bill?
Criteria Sheet :-
So yeah...the only thing that Im not sure is whether he is still a Muslim? A bit of wonders there...Hopefully is la eh...cuz he still understands the meaning of Insya'allah (If Allah s.w.t. wills it to be)
Then again, first he is vegetarian - the reason he gave was quite weird to me arhz...den he is into Buddhism. Link between two - Most Buddhist are vegetarian. Zen or not...it's still wrong. Today, when I saw him play, I tot I saw a cross necklace. As far as I am concerned, most of my Malay Muslim friends do not agree with me, once u wear clothes or anything for that matter associated with a cross, you are indirectly supporting Christians. (Point to note : I am not being a religion racist or what). There was a story that the land did not accept a Muslim body just because that teenager wears something cross at the time of his death and he have to do a burial as a christian. (Astaghfirullahaladzim). Can you imagine how devastated the parents was? I prayed hard that I would die as a true Muslim and not any other religion. Amin.
Ok, point to note...I am not supposed to judge him but I cant help it. Why you may ask? Reason : I just went to this seminar bout the number of Malays out there who lacks the religious knowledge i.e. Islam. They are at risk of being murtad. (Astaghfirullahaladzim) Seriously, I truly prayed inside that he is still a true Muslim at heart and not to change to any other religion. Keimanan itu penting.
So yeah.....now I am contemplating....seriously, I think HE is really testing me. I got make a wish, its either Chinese or Ustaz as a husband. This guy comes along. He is a Muslim but his lifestyle is not as a Muslim. Its either I bring him back to the correct path or let him be. Anyways, he was never close to me. He is just a mentor to mentee. Moreover, we just met a few months ago.
If I let him be...would I be in a difficult situation? Leaving a fellow Muslim not understanding his own religion? Arghz!!!! Maybe I should see how the relationship goes first. Cuz Right now...He is so not interested in me!
Just wait and see first........For now....Chase that dream - Be a composer.
First off - Tune that Piano! - $100 per trip
|12:40 AM|
Itz been a while since I last updated this blog of mine................
Hmmmz......hopez nobody reads this
Niways.............my birthday is coming soon. I wonder how does it feel to be 25.......
Being 24.......was ok.......
being 25????????? Itz scary just to think about it. ARGH!!!!!!!
How I wish I wun grow old!!!!!!!!
ARGH~~~
Ok, I shall leave it to fate for now........
|11:31 PM|
Hi Peepz!!!!
Exams finally over!!!!!! I really cant wait to begin the brand new future laying ahead of me. Den again, I have already set the future which is continue working with the Mosque and as a Quantity Surveyor.
I went for the retreat last weekend at Batam. HOW I WISHED I OPEN UP THIS MOUTH TO TALK TO HIM!
He was just like sitting next to me and what did I talk to him "U become a leader arh...u show great leadership skills, which he replied...suma ur fault", "Ask bro S.....to be ur asst", "hows ur camera","how much did u pay for the game in ur phone", "oh yeah, I throw the cover away"
WHAT THE FISH!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!! I REALLY HATED MYSELF FOR THAT! HE WAS LITERALLY SITTING NEXT TO ME THE WHOLE DAY OF SATURDAY AND I COULDNT EVEN OPEN MY MOUTH!
Sorry for the caps...was really frustrated for not talking to him more during that retreat. So much for getting myself noticed by him. The best part : I DIN SLEEP THE NIGHT BEFORE AND WAS TOO SLEEPY TO CONCENTRATE!
I was named SLEEPING QUEEN. ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When will I have that kind of chance again? 0.999999999999% CHANCE.
The next event is RYC / CPR whichever cums first. He going vietnam and Gunung Ledang, I cant follow due to work commitment. Haiz..........................................
I'm so pathetic :( Tell me that again...pathetic.
During the retreat, I am so gonna have a new post.....moving forward...they have entrusted me to join the woman's wing of NWMC. So, apart from the youth, I have to be involved in the woman's wing. Ta da!!! At least, being in the woman's wing, Im a participant rather than a committee member. I loike!
Back to the youths, I really dunnoe if I can still do it. If he can be the mosque executive and ydo at his age (i calculated, around 27-32), I think I can do it too!
I repeat, Im so pathetic :( only now I realised how I push my luck away..............
|11:00 PM|
Woo!!!! Woo!!!!
Doesnt it seem like a year I haven update?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!
First things first, Sorry for the LONG,LONG Time never update....Been lazy and bz at the same time or is it cuz I got nuthing to say except conc on study and work 24/7??
Hmmmzzzz........
All I know...my life is so remote control..i can even work with my eyes closed as its so remote!!!!
Haiz...wonder when will Life be different.....
Haiz, haiz...
All I know the moment skewl is over, Im gonna go back to the life I once missed!!!
1. Watch TV like nobody business on weekends esp all the JAP movies
2. Sleep (my fav pastime) on all my free time (BORING!)
3. Focus on the youths at the mosque (so guys, r u listening??!?!?!?!? Im cuming back!!!)
4. Read english storybooks like therez no tomorrow to improvise on that rusty english of mine.
5. Go on a vacation without any financial worries!!!!
6. Go out and have fun with friends!!!!!!
7, Find myself a boyfriend and get married, insya'allah...(fate plays a part here)
So yeah..thatz the only update...till I finish skewl orites in a few months time!!!!
Wish me luck people....final exams cuming soon!!!!
|10:50 PM|
I wish I was a star!!!!!
I want LOVE!!!!!!
LIKE REAL LOVE!!!!!
Haiz....like it will happen
Niwayz...itz been a while...
No more lunch dates - ok
I still lurve him!! Point to self : He doesnt give a damn.
Haiz....
If only....IF ONLY I were a boy...
Haiz..............
Itz been a while..but itz ok..whu cares bout him...
I think I have lost weight cuz I can feel my hand is shrinking in size...used to be a bit chubby..now like left with bones...chia lat..dunnoe if itz a good thing or not...
haiz...Mayb i shud eat more..mayb i shudnt :)
itz all in the mind..
Lately...whenever Im stressed out, I tend to vomit out watever I eaten during lunch..Itz torturous...argh!!! YELPZ for HELP!!!
Need juz one person to hear her!!!! But is there???? None!
Haiz.....
Sharifah is fainting....fainting....
Haiz....
If only he gives a damn bout it....
We are juz normal friends...JUZ NORMAL...wish it could go beyond that :)
Loyalty / Honesty / Patience - will be juz tat :)
But to be with him you need extra patient! Cuz therez like DOZENS of woman who will try to snatch him from you.
No matter what....I AM THE RULE....not the EXCEPTION.
I juz pity him having so many girls liking him. If they are like me, I would presume, they will prefer him being single. Ahakz..
Singles....
Whatz so good bout being single??
Can date anyone, literally anyone and you won't get hurt and u are not even hurting anybody. Yeah..tatz what singles meant.
So hez being single...so he play games with girls cuz he is like girl. Hez a girl inside. Definite :)
The more I know him, the more I find him interesting, the more I want him BUT the girls surrounding him is ENORMOUS!!!!! I cant!! I cant!!! My patience is not that high!! Other things can, but not LOVE...
yEAH....
Dunnoe why everyone in the company say I superb patient....
I am not...seriously...I am not.....
|12:21 AM|
Hey Peepz!!!!
Been watching this Japanese series show - Nobota Wo Produce - Makeover of a wild pig.. - A MUZ WATCH!!!!
Niwayz...this show is bout friendship - a muz watch...
So yeah...since I watch this show...it makes me think. No matter how many friends you have, having as little as 1 friend...juz one friend is enough. You do not need 100 friends or 1000000 friends for that matter. All you need is a friend.
A friend to whom you can go to. A friend to whom you can share all your sorrows with, all your happiness with, all your critiques and the what not. If there is no friend in your life, you will be lonely.
I have decided. During my holiday in KL, I have decided. I juz realised sumthing. If I can't live with the banker having so many girls around him, I might as well treat him as my best buddy. Cuz I will never, NEVER survive the love if I have competition. I tend to give up easily especially in love. Niwayz, he said hez not ready to be commited. A friend told me that guyz who said this , dun take it literally. Cuz it simply means he wun go far with you. Juz friends. No matter how much hope he gave you, dun believe it. Cuz once the word of "not ready" cums about, he already make his point. Its like the softer way of saying " You are not the one for me". You know, that sounds hurtful, aint it?
So yeah, deciding him to be my best buddy is not as easy it may be cuz itz hard. Ive fall hard already. How I wish I can stop this feeling from growing. He knew but he juz laugh it out. I cant do anything also other than let him be. How I wish I have known it earlier.....niwayz...the intention was to be friends.
Here I am going to tell the history of our friendship - (cant reveal his name yet cuz hez IT savvy)
1 - Car couldnt start at one of the mosque's event in 2007,met him and his friends thru one of the sisters. Was emo - cuz first time car couldnt start. Was being introduced one by one at Al-Azhar. His friends and him. He was trying his best to cheer me up. Look at him. Notice he looks exactly like my Architect, Steve. Feelings already evolving to get to know him better. At the time, since feel so emo and the situation doesnt gel, din notice the feeling.
2 - A few months past by, CNY 2008, he did a treat to his buddy. Din go cuz got sumthing but heard, he was asking bout me(dunnoe if its true)
3 - A few months went by again, chat at MIRC in the hope of seeing him. Got his MIRC id and chatted with him till he gave his MSN. Due to this, I stopped chatting at MIRC. Den started our convo in MSN. Got his number in MSN.
4 - After that, started to sms each other frequently...calling me " sayang, sweet, dear" gives me the chill...told him i dun like it....but actually i do cuz i dunnoe...the feeling is juz nice.
5 - Sumthing happen to my friend who introduce me to him. She create this problem of getting into a relationship with a married man. And I was forced into it by him. Din want to get involved. Really hated him by doing this to me. Now, me and my friend are not in talking terms due to this problem of hers (still ongoing). First time talking to him though the timing wasnt exactly perfect -ended at 3am in the morning. from 2am i think.
6 - Den stop talking to him for a few months, den my friendship got into trouble. I was stucked in a love triangle between 3 friends of mine. Ask him for help by meeting up with him. -First contact with him. This first contact after a year went by.......was like an electricity surging......cuz after that contact.......I was like liking him more. Yeah, though it was a love triangle, I never wanted the guy to be mine cuz hez younger than me and a little to inmature. When this guy came by, and the way our first contact. Fuh! Things he did in our first contact :-
1- tie my blouse tie for me
2 - pay for my food
3 - palm reading
4 - telling me how pretty i actually was
5 - how i can be more pretty if i tried harder
the feeling juz surges
7 - sms again den ask for office email....den started to chat with him at work thru office email. Had lunch dates with him frequently
8 - Had a movie date with him and we confess our feelings
9 - Due to my stupidity, told my friends bout it and he tried to avoid me. (Think still is???) Den the lunch date became to once a week or once in a fortnight. From 2 times a week to once a fortnight was torture to me......he din noe obviously....I was missing him ald by now. He made me fall for him ald. By now, I know I had fallen into the Limerance / Love. I dunnoe. I have counted the days when I will be meeting him next. After numerous rejection, the hope of seeing him again became hopeless. I din hope anymore. If have, have. If dun have, den dun have. Frustrated, and told him off.
10 - Now, itz like hanging. I know I am still missing him cuz no email for the past 2 days, i.e. thursday n friday. Dreaming bout him practically everyday.
Best part : the dream was us being a couple. Each day was a story on its own. In reality, it was not even close to being a couple. Den I have to stop dreaming bout him, I had to force myself to tell myself, that if I were to continue on, I will suffer the most. Thus, the decision made was to be his best buddy. I dun want to be his girlfriend or his lover. Reason would be most probably be because of the following : -
1 - Tie him down from his friends cuz I cant live with the girls surrounding him
2 - need him to console my feeling every now and then which will be super tiring to him cuz my ex told me so
3 - need him to motivate me every now and then when I am down which again will be super tiring on him
All the above is the responsibility which I cant give him. I have disqualified myself. To be in love is not bout him sacrificing for you. Its about sharing. Both parties must come to a compromise. Both parties must be willing to share. Both parties must understand each other. Both parties must know what is needed of them.
If I were to harbour these thoughts, he would be at the losing end cuz he will be giving all the way. I cant give him anything cuz I myself lacks the love for myself. If I have found the love for myself, shall I find the one. Most of all, I want the one I love be my best friend forever. Cuz thatz what love is about in the end.
Best Friend.
Love is about sharing and being true to yourself.
Dun get me wrong if you say Im contradicting myself. He cant be the one for now...cuz his girl friends are juz too many for me to endure. N knowing that some of them might share the same feelings I had for him juz gave me the chills. I might as well give up now than let myself getting tortured more.
However, if by the turn of fate, he is the one for me, then I shall accept with an open heart. For now, I shall treat him as a best buddy with a pain in the heart which hopefully will go away soon.
|5:46 PM|